Board member remediation

I am the president of a three member board. Our treasurer can be abrasive during board meetings and it's apparent that the behavior needs to be corrected. On one hand I'd like to replace the treasurer if someone else would be willing to fill her shoes, but like many other boards, we suffer from disinterested members who are unwilling to step in the role of board member. Additionally, she does other volunteer work for the association that I'm sure we wouldn't be able to get from any other board member to do so if she were to go we'd lose that resource.
So how do I go about asking an abrasive board member not to be abrasive while also not offending her and risking a hasty resignation?

Is she abrasive generally, or only with her role on the board (treasurer)?

If she is just a general PIA, tell her privately that her demeanor is harming the board and ask her to rachet down her bossiness, etc. Be specific about how certain comments have affected the board.

If she is abrasive about her role, establish a Finance Committee to diffuse her power and that would be another buffer between her and the board.

Remove the rotten apple, I say. This can poison a board.

Well, Michele, you and I can disagree on this.

By having an meeting with this person, the president creates an "official" record of having talked to her and given her a warning. This helps if and when there is a removal. She has been given notice, at least, that there is a problem. She can't say she was blind-sided.

The first word in that last sentence should read: Blind-sided. . .

Again, Robert, overstepping and over-reaching.

The woman is not violating any board policy, procedure or rule.

She is a grown woman, and, regardless of the "face" the board wants to put forward, each board member is his and her own person.

I would throw the president, or any other member, out the door if they tried to come and "educate" me on my "demeanor" for board meetings.

Seriously. This is patently offensive.

We have 5 board members. Each has a distinctly different personality and way of presenting him/herself.

Some are more meek, others are more outspoken. At any given time, some of them could be labeled "abrasive," but that's not in the scope or purview of any other board member to admonish or "instruct."

It's one thing if the person is disrupting meetings, or speaking out of turn (as in not called upon by the chair) or actually breaking some specific, clear protocol.

But this person is not. She is just "abrasive" at times.

Well, boo hoo. (is that abrasive enough?)

Again, if the residents don't care for her demeanor, then they can simply not vote her onto the board next time.

It just amazes me that people even suggest trying to control another board member -- just because of her personality and not because of improper conduct (in terms of rules, policies, or procedures).

What's to stop them from telling them how they should vote or what they should say, period?

Unbelievable.

There's not to "dignify." There is no reason for you to take my response personally.

These aren't employees. Nor are they children. Nor are the other board members their parent or superior in any way, shape, or form.

I feel very strongly about this.

This isn't the only board on which I sit.

On some boards, I am the chairman.

On others I'm just another director or commissioner.

But in no case is any fellow director or commissioner responsible for any other director or commissioner's good or bad behavior.

If the person is not violating any rules, procedures, or processes, then it is nobody's place to take them aside and "counsel" them on their behavior or demeanor.

That is what friends, family or spouses are for, not fellow board members.

I can't think of any reason why people would think otherwise.

We have all sorts of personalities and attitudes on the various boards. How presumptuous is it to take the position that it is another board member's role to teach another how to act. I cannot image a scenario where that would be appropriate.

If someone is the president of a board that has a difficult personality on it, then they simply need to ensure that their own behavior is above reproach. That is what speaks to the tone of the board.

Again, Glen's advice is the most appropriate. Learn to work around such a personality. Realize that when they show their butt that others aren't stupid and can see. Just make sure that you, as chair of the meeting, do not let the dialog get out of control. If the treasurer gets into a back-and-forth with either another board member or another resident, simply take control of the meeting back and suggest everyone take a time out. Then move on to a different topic.

As members of all-volunteer or elected boards, we don't get to pick and chose who we serve with. Nor do we get to "train them up" in the type of demeanor or personality with which we prefer to work. We simply adjust our own expectations, pay attention to our own behavior and move forward one foot in front of the other.

We cannot control other people, we can only control our own reactions to them. As it should be.

Joseph,

I'd have someone on the board have a chat with her. Start with how much the association appreciates all the hard work she does on the board and even mention some of the other things she contributes. While she is basking in the compliments say something to the effect of "I'm sure you are unaware of this but at times certain people take offense when they are harshly criticized (or whatever). We have some good folks on the board and it is important everyone works well together and is treated with respect." Ask her opinion on how to make things run more smoothly. DO NOT give the impression she is taken to task. People like this usually suffer from low self esteem and feeling unappreciated.