Board Members We Offer our time and get grief.

Started by IreneC • 6 replies • 1233 views

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IreneC (North Carolina)
Posts: 111

Posted:

Board members usually do not get paid, offer their free time and often have enforce rules etc for the better of the HOA.

How does it become a "me" show to individuals who are trying to dominate?

How does the conflict begin? Mud Slinging and nasty remarks? Actually appear intimidated at times. ( we have a man who appears to do anything against a strong woman, which includes me... and had made very off color remarks to one lady who is gay. )

I myself know we have one of these on the board, I have read others they have some versions of this. Removal is hard, ignoring can be done..
Other feedback?

KevinK7 (Florida)
Posts: 1,343

Posted:

Considering the nature of the comments, could public obscenity laws or involving off color remarks to the homosexual lady, hate crime laws, be used to file charges against this person? The proposal may act as a deterrent for future outbursts.

IreneC (North Carolina)
Posts: 111

Posted:

I wish Kevin, they are said in very passive aggressive ways.. for example.

"you know how angry "they" can be "

PatR (Florida)
Posts: 139

Posted:

You should invoke Robert's Rules.

Also check your state docs. Cursing in public and making racial/sexual remarks are crimes in most states.

I have sometimes said...I know how you feel, just last year I was on that (your) side of the table.

I have also said, I live here, and they said "you don't work for us"...duh

You need a thick skin, and hope that no ones takes it tooooo far...There is always 911.

KevinK7 (Florida)
Posts: 1,343

Posted:

I am unsure how effective the use of Roberts Rules or how closely your HOA follows them, but in regards to Decorum in Debate, you could follow the appropriate measures outlined, and as a board come up with a solution to keep order (especially among this troubled person).

MicheleD (Kentucky)
Posts: 4,491

Posted:

Or you could just recognize that the type of behavior you are noticing is also a type of political tactic designed to evoke an emotional response and thereby derail the current discussion or throw the other person off guard long enough for the verbal abuser to control the agenda.

Once you realize that, and ignore his attempts to derail, change the topic, alter the focus of the discussion or put someone off guard or knock them off stride, then the less effective those efforts of his will be.

When he can't elicit the type of response he needs to further his agenda, then he will have to change tactics. Putting people on the defensive or keeping them off-balance by having them focus on his insults instead of the topic at had is an old old old political ploy.

Rise above it and treat his comments with the respect they deserve, which is to say, none at all.

It doesn't even serve a purpose to get angry and complain about them to other people. Because then you have just played into his agenda again.

Whenever you are talking about his crappy comments, and NOT focusing or discussing the business at hand or attending to important matters, he has just made progress.

Don't give him that benefit.

MicheleD (Kentucky)
Posts: 4,491

Posted:

You also might want to do some research and see if your community offers workshops such as these:

RESOLVING NEIGHBORHOOD CONFLICTS:
Building Skills for Success

Memorial Auditorium
970 South 4th Street
2nd Floor Ballroom
(Corner of 4th and Kentucky Streets)
Accessible to persons with disabilities

Have you ever experienced these or other similar challenging situations?

· Your neighbor's dog barks and awakens you several nights a week
· A neighbor wants to convert his garage into an apartment and you're concerned about noise, house values dropping, etc.
· You disagree with a developer's plans for building in your neighborhood
· Your neighbor has constructed a fence on what you consider to be your property.
· Neighborhood teenagers are congregating at businesses and on the sidewalks in a three block area, causing disruption for the businesses and pedestrians

Whether you're facing these difficulties as an individual or as a neighborhood, homeowner or condo association, you can acquire skills to help negotiate an outcome that is workable for everyone.

Conflict Resolution 101 – Thursday, June 12, 2008
5:30 – 6:00 p.m. Registration, Networking & Light Snack
6:00 – 9:00 p.m. Workshop

You will learn:
§ Sources of conflict
§ How to listen to understand
§ How to work toward win-win solutions

Conflict Resolution 102 – Saturday, June 14, 2008
8:30 – 9:00 a.m. Registration, Networking & Continental Breakfast
9:00 a.m. – noon Workshop

You will learn:
§ Skills to help you communicate more effectively
§ To focus on interests, not positions
§ To be a change agent for your neighborhood

------------------------

This is one of many Neighborhood Toolbox Trainings our Metro Government produces for Neighborhood Leaders throughout the year.

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