Default handling of deceased spouse/co-owner

Our HOA maintains a contact directory and a couple email lists for residents.

This year, two our our residents have died (unrelated to each-other), and this is the first death our neighborhood has seen.

In both cases the surviving spouse announced it on the email list and received much support condolances from the community.

I'm wondering what we should do by default with the deceased spouse' contact info / list subscription. I could see it being offensive for us to take it upon ourselves to 'erase them without asking' or to 'pretend they're still alive'.

Writing that just now I think I see the right thing to do is to ask the surviving spouse their preference. But perhaps that's also bad because it would upset them to be confronted with yet another reminder that their loved one is gone.

Should we have a default action? What should it be?

If there is a surviving spouse at the same address, we simply drop the name.

If there isn't a surviving spouse at the same address, we address items to the estate of. . .

Sound advice. Assume nothing.

Also remember that some widows don’t like to have their husband’s name taken off because they don’t want people to know they are living alone in the house. I know one woman who even left her husband’s name in the answering machine announcement “Tom and I can’t come to the phone” for that reason.

I knew one of the deceased somewhat, and I kind of feel like they're still here. Not physically of course, but as a being of influence on our lives, he will be with us for a long time.