First name or last name basis between owners and staff

-- I am up for this challenge. In general it has been a source of confusion and discomfort for me from time to time.

-- I say: Kudos to the staff for addressing folks by their title and surname.

-- On the other hand, increasingly in the last decades, total strangers assuming (what my parents might call, and I do call) an inappropriate air of familiarity via addressing one by one's first name, has become common. I do not like it.

-- My Congressman/Congresswoman's staff address me, in their mailings and their illegal robocalls, by my first name. To me, this matches their general un-professionalism and lack of smarts. (For the record, my member of Congress belongs to the same political party as I. This is truly about their poor manners.)

-- Both my brokerages and my bank always address me by my title and last name.

-- Perhaps the rule is that, when a stranger is educated and wants something, they address me by my title and last name.

-- When a stranger foolishly thinks she or he can prey on my emotions by pretending to be 'my friend,' and said stranger is uneducated/raised poorly (to be blunt), they pull this first name cr-p. Instantly for me this is two strikes against them. (If I need something from them, I just take the rudeness.)

-- In my former HOA's, the Board and members addressed managers by their first name. I wish they would not.

-- In the case of HOAs/condos/co-ops, I think this is about the value of professional distance.

-- Unfortunately whatever is the prevailing custom may prevail over the desire for professional distance. I am sure many will find my position here out of synch with the times.

Mistah Augie?

I was raised to refer to people as Mr., Ms., or Mrs. until THEY indicated otherwise, and it doesn't matter if they work for an HOA or anywhere else. If I don't know them, it's Sir or Ma'am, until I get a last name, and once I get to know them, we may go to first names.

I know people have gotten really casual about this sort of thing, and I must admit being referred to as Ms. or Miss makes me feel old (!) depending on who I'm talking to. Age is also a factor - I don't think any child (under 18) should be using an adult's first name unless the adult gives them permission to do so. Call me old fashioned, but it's a respect thing.

I agree that it's a regional thing.

In general I think the polite standard is using Mr./Ms. LastName until invited to do otherwise. Of course you can get yourself into trouble with this as well if you deal with people whose gender is not obvious. I suggest introducing yourself to people you don't know, and with luck they'll respond with something that will clue you in. If they don't, ask how they want to be addressed (and try to remember it!).

On the other hand, there are some folks who will be offended by anything you come up with, but that's on them. The only thing that bugs me is children addressing adults by their first names. Darned wet-behind-the-ears whippersnappers...

I was born, raised, and lived my life "up north". I have lived in SC now for 20 years. I do not call anyone Sir or Ma'am nor do I expect them to call me such. My younger girl friend noticed it about me. She said you are very polite with people but you do not show them respect with Yes Sir or Yes Ma,am. I asked is that respect of deference? That stumped her. It is common in the South for younger people to call older people Mr. John or Ms. Melissa.

Our MC is instructs our two managers to call us by our last names. Our PM instructs our custodian, security staff, etc. to do the same. But it's clear that if we ask a staffer to call us by our first names, they usually do it and it's apparently OK with management.

I can't imagine that all staff would be forced to learn--as a job requirement-- the titles of the perhaps 350 adults who live in our condos. We do have plenty of PhDs & MDs and judges, etc. Seems both just plain silly & plain snooty to me and I think would be even in the most traditional of southern cities, e.g. Charlston SC.

HaHa, Goerge. I did write that EVEN in Charleston it'd be silly if staff at a large HOA were required to learn the "titles" of every resident.

Did three years time -- I mean lived three years in Charlotte NC and no one in our HOA was referred to by their titles by staff.

Sometimes it's nice to blend in, isn't it?

As for "titles," and just to share viewpoints: My only expectation is for people (like my brokers, banks and my ill-raised [wink] member of Congress) to use Mr., Mrs., or Ms. I do not like the Dr. anything or judge anything.