How to handle aggressive resident?

My term is up soon, and I'll be running again. I would quit, especially given my situation described below, but if any of my opponents (the vocal minority) get elected, they will destroy everything the current board has accomplished and create chaos again. I can't, in good conscience, not run.

One of these opponents is beginning to become a problem. He's set on being on the board but has been passed over four times already; once losing the election and thrice not being selected to replace a departing board member. I (more than forty years his junior) was chosen over him for the last appointment; he didn't speak to me for three months, despite being my immediate neighbor.

He's become increasingly hostile toward the board after his recall of the board failed. He has also slandered me several times on social media. What concerns me is that both he and his wife have been aggressive toward me in person. He plays security on a daily basis, one such incident resulting in a physical altercation that required police involvement. It doesn't help that he appears to be an alcoholic with an unstable temper.

Other than being confrontational and verbally aggressive with me, nothing else has happened. Nevertheless, I no longer leave the house without pepper spray and I will be installing cameras on my house (I live alone) before I announce I'm running.

Has anyone had to deal with such a person? How did you handle your personal safety?

Veronica

Sorry for your discomfort but I do not see this as an HOA issue. My advice is to contact the local police and place a restraining order on him or just avoid him and hope he calms down.

Document every altercation. Always call the police if this becomes physical. Consider applying to a court for a civil restraining order. Restraining orders can have a great effect.

You betcha.

Threats and other verbal bad behavior is one thing, and unfortunately not all that uncommon. What I reacted to was the escalation to physical aggression. That's always a bad sign.

The news is full of stories about people who ignored warning signs such as this. And the consequences of under-reacting are much worse than those of over-reacting. In the latter case, you may feel a little bit silly - in the former case you could be injured or a little bit dead.

Sadly, women experience life differently from men. While there can be violent women and ones who stalk men, the vast majority of cases are the other way around. If a man, who is very likely to be bigger and stronger, is threatening a women, she should assume that her life is in danger until proven otherwise.

Is the OP's neighbor immediately dangerous to her? No idea, and aside from the escalation we don't have enough information. I may be thinking bad thoughts about a sweet ol' guy who is mixing the wrong medications and going off the deep end as a result (it happens). But even sweet ol' guys who are off the rails because of their meds can do bad things.

Most of the suggested responses, such as documenting the behavior, getting restraining orders, etc. do not actually prevent a violent confrontation or help the victim survive it. They only set the stage for successful prosecution after the fact. The person who was attacked needs to be alive and well afterwards in order to benefit.

For more information, read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker.

I appreciate your points. But your bottom line seems to be that the victim do what the perpetrator wants: Resign from the board. Maybe move out of the neighborhood. The OP will have to judge for herself. But in my experience, an order, at a hearing with the accused present, from a magistrate to stay 50 feet away from a person is stunningly effective. The order goes on public record, of course. Judges can refuse an application for such an order.

I do suggest the OP be "armed" with a cell phone that records and have this ready anytime she expects an encounter with this guy. People do change when they know their actions are being documented, especially with an audio-video recording.

I guess every situation is different. The OP will have to weigh it all.

I am going with Jared.

Veronica,

Don't resign from the board if you think it will restore a relationship w/ your neighbor. That relationship is ruined (and it's not because of you).

Second, it's fully within your rights to consider this man and his spouse as "Dead." If you give the attention, they'll take it and bully you.

Third, the next time they accost you, call the police. Seriously. Tell them what these people are doing, your fears and let them handle the situation. They'll understand nutty HOA people. Odds are the abusers will want to tell "their side of the story." That's fine but don't listen to them.

Fourth, if they're slandering you on social media, consult an attorney to rattle their cage.

At this point, they're not inclined to go away unless you freeze them out of your life completely. No acknowledgement.

While I've never, in my experience, reached a level of a verbal harasser - linked to my HOA duties -turning into a physical assailant, I've endured regular harassment from individuals that was solved but telling you'll never speak or deal with them again.....and mean it.

You are a single board member of a multi-director leadership structure. This person needs to fight w/ the board...not you personally. By the way, have you noticed how your board colleagues have allowed this to happen where you absorb one person's anger at their entire community?

I don't think this is an HOA issue - because there is nothing the HOA can do in cases like this.

If the fellow was on the Board, he should certainly be voted out of any officer position by the Board and voted out of the Board by the membership.