Passive Aggressive Board Member

What are some tips on how a Board member should deal with a passive aggressive, bully Board member who writes emails that are caustic, bossy, 99% negative and unnecessarily critical of everything other Board members write? Should the President have the HOA management company intervene or should other members just ignore this Board member and not respond to that person's emails since the bully Board member is looking to create conflict and an argument with almost every single email?

This is where the old "It's better people THINK your an idiot than open up your mouth and prove it". We simply exposed and kept everything open. They want to accuse you of "hiding" stuff. Well if you put a policy in place you read out loud at every meeting and discuss openly amongst board, then what? Mind you they can't say anything but sit there and watch while the board discusses and makes it's decisions. We also didn't mind listening to the input of other members so we could gauge if it's a group thing or individual.

Do the above, with emphasis on sticking with facts and leaving all emotion out. I find doing this also brings the person responding more peace in the coming hours and days.

One of my favorite lines when someone badgers is, "Asked and answered" (assuming one has truly already responded).

You answered your own question.

If enough other Board Members agree that this bully's correspondence is intentionally toxic, combative, and/or antagonistic, then someone needs to put the bully in their place. If President doesn't have enough backbone to do so, then any other Board Member could certainly step up and confront the bully. (I don't suggest it be you though if you are the primary target of the bullying.) If you let it continue unchecked, the bullying may go away in time, but there could be significant damage done in the meantime. The bully may be the only one left . . . which is also what you don't want.

Certainly don't go back and forth on silly points (that's also what the bully wants), but a one-time "knock it off, you're wasting everyone's time, creating conflict where it doesn't need to exist, and damaging the Board/HOA" seems appropriate. But only if other Board Members agree. If it's just you that feels this way, perhaps there is a reason for that.

All that said, is most of the supposed bullying directed at you mainly? Not to offend . . . but you come here often with hypothetical scenarios, abstract thinking, molehills turned to mountains, and many other things/issues ongoing within your HOA. I imagine what we see is only a fraction of correspondence that goes on between you, your Board/Membership, and your Management. There are entirely too many issues and too much trying to be tackled simultaneously that your HOA sounds like a complete fiasco. While I think your overall intentions are good, you could very likely be making yourself a target of the bullying because you can be a bit overboard at times. Again, I don't mean to offend, just an outsider's perspective on the tiny bit that I can see.

The HOA management company is not your mommy or daddy. If you or other members have a problem with this guy and feel it needs to be addressed then deal with it directly yourselves. We had a problem with one of our directors and I called a special meeting where we could talk about the issues face to face. All of us were respectful but blunt and 10 minutes into the meeting he resigned and stormed off. During my professional career I found a lot of bullies could not take criticism and when confronted and stood up to they would often back off or leave. If you or the rest of the Board don't want to address the issue then do what others have suggested and ignore him.

If directed at numerous people and even outside vendors (potentially damaging essential/needed relationships), then I stand by my thoughts on how you and your Board should proceed. Bully needs to be confronted and their actions put to a stop. (Similarly to a bully in school . . . you don't ignore them, hope they go away, or hope they find someone else to pick on . . . they are called out and penalized for their actions, and if things continue or worsen, they are again penalized and potentially expelled . . . certainly a possible thing for your Board to do as well.)

Certainly nothing wrong with coming here and asking for advice on hypotheticals. I'm trying to point out that you do it often and the hypotheticals are sometimes far-fetched extrapolations of what is even remotely likely to occur. And you post topics/questions often enough (based largely on correspondence/issues going on between you, your Board, and Mgm't) that I can only assume your correspondence within your HOA is significantly greater to the point that it's too much for others to deal with and you rub people the wrong way . . . even if intentions overall are honorable.

I should have prefaced my prior post with the fact that when I was a Board Member, I operated somewhat similarly to you and with a Board/Membership that was also similar. It took several times of people telling me the same things that I'm telling you for me to realize that regardless of how much I cared, how much I did, and how much I tried to accomplish, my methods for doing so weren't shared/appreciated by most other Board Members and most things fell on deaf ears because I was perceived a certain way. I was too over the top. Others didn't share my passion and commitment. And everyone, myself included, became frustrated.

True. However, colloquially passive aggressive means verbal or non verbal (but never physical) behavior meant to annoy, demean or incite conflict.

I think that's incorrect. It's incumbent on the board to ignore the guy's rants completely.

This is YOUR why not anyone else's. Want to recall someone because of their behavior in your opinion, then you have to let others SEE or experience it for themselves. People like this if truly "bully's" show off to prove it to others. This is still a group decision to remove not just one person's opinion. It can come off as YOU being the passive aggressive one by your actions.

Then leave it be. I would be unhappy with a board member or board that advertised inflammatory email communications. This is an opportunity for the offended board members to hone their skills as directors. Do as folks here said, including informing the jerk to save xyz for the next meeting; leaving the decision of whether to add an item to the agenda to either the President or a board vote (as your gov docs allow); responding once briefly with only facts; ignoring repetitive rants.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Seems like a uphill battle trying to persuade people if they don't attend meetings or take an interest in the community and rely solely on an impressive candidate information sheet.

Our well advertised Board meeting on Monday drew board members, one committee member and one member of our 314 home community.

Agreed. If there isn't anything making owner's upset or interested in their HOA, it doesn't mean a bad thing. They may very well trust those who are already there. My HOA once I finally got the Ex-President out of board attendance was minimal. I had more than one person tell me, now that your President we don't feel the need to attend. They knew I was open and communicated everything. Also saw I took action and made things look/be better. Plus sales were hot.

So those ASSUMPTIONS are your own not necessarily anyone else's.

The behavior takes place primarily in emails to other directors, which makes it more difficult to communicate this person' non-team player attitude to the general membership. Other than Board members, less than 10% of the membership is present at Board meetings, often there are zero.

I would definitely not get the manager or management company in the middle of it. They have zero authority over board members and it would be inappropriate to get them involved.

Can this apply to my real job as well?

The key to leadership is self-control. So easy to say, so hard to do.

(Control your sails, or be controlled by the wind. - Cathy's Rules for Life #2)
(The way you shout at the mountain is the way the echo comes back. - my mom)

Not difficult to ignore the rants, but frustrating to deal with this person taking other Board members for granted and then criticizing their performance or management of the task. It's akin to baking a cake for a neighbors' birthday (something completely voluntary and optional) and then the recipient criticizing the quality or taste of the cake.

The membership does vote, but since less than 10% (other than Board members) and often zero attend meetings, they do not know some of the unpopular ideas the person proffers at Board meetings and of course the passive aggressive nature of the emails. TI believe they primarily base their decisions on an impressive candidate information sheet that most often reveals little about ideology. I initiated a post of that topic on this forum in the past. Since emails can't be revealed to the membership, I originally asked how to communicate to the membership a generic but plausible reason why not to vote for this person in the future.

Most impressive that you were able to carry that off, Kerry. Bravo.