venting again

Started by BonnieG1 • 30 replies • 1984 views

💬 Join us to post & get advice from 50,000 HOA & Condo leaders.

⚡ Takes 30 seconds

Already a member? Log in

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

A new owner has been asking people if anyone is "over" me (I am President). According to this owner I was "mad as heck" yesterday evening when I knocked on her unit about 8:30 P.M. to get her birth year on her registration form.
Now I know I am going to have people on this site tell me that I should have not done what I did next and they are probably correct but I was not mad when I did it.

On her registration her finace' (boy friend) is listed as living in the apartment. I told her I was not pleased with the situation but there is nothing in our documents to prevent this.

Now if it were just her boyfriend I probably wouldn't have said anything but the lady has a living disabled husband who she is just waiting to die so that she can marry her boyfriend.

The entity over me would be the Board and when I am calmer I will write her a note to tell her as I don't want to talk to her as she has twisted what I said.

I heard that I refused to show a unit. The realtors are the ones showing the units. I will show a unit if I have the owner's permission to. I love to show people around our building.

Thank you for letting me vent. I have told this new owner and our PM has told this new owner that we need a lease agreement.

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,061

Posted:

Bonnie,

As you know, your personal views should not have been voiced when conducting business for the Association. Your position, as President, gives the impression that you speak for the Board (even when not meaning to).

It was irrelevant what her personal life choices were when your goal was simply to obtain some missing data on a form (which could have also been obtained via written correspondence).

As you also said, you know this.

JohnC46 (South Carolina)
Posts: 14,265

Posted:

Bonnie

When you told her that "you" were not happy with her living arrangement you went way, way, way over the line of your BOD duties which you seem to do in many in many cases.

MIND YOUR OWN/BOD BUSINESS.

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,061

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By BonnieG1 on 07/14/2015 4:59 PM

The entity over me would be the Board and when I am calmer I will write her a note to tell her as I don't want to talk to her as she has twisted what I said.

When you are calmer, you should write a note and apologize for your comment. Perhaps explaining that you were voicing your personal opinion and what you said was not the opinion of the Board or the Association and that it was inappropriate for you to voice your personal opinion at that time.

KerryL1 (California)
Posts: 14,550

Posted:

Bonnie, I'm with both Tim & JohnC, and many of us have advised you before to try hard to see the distinction between HOA business and your personal preferences!! I, for one, am disappointed in your approach.

Your HOA docs do not forbid her living arrangement. That's it! Live with it.

Besides, why do you need her birthdate? And 8:30pm is unreasonable.

Jeez, wait till PitA reads this!

GenoS (Florida)
Posts: 4,276

Posted:

I move in. The HOA has my name and my legal mailing address. That's all they're entitled to by law (although the HOA docs may expand on that for things like a phone number and information about motor vehicles). Any other requested information should be on a voluntary basis and it should be my choice whether to reveal it. Our social committee does a kind of "welcome wagon" thing to greet new people when they move in. They ask for birthdays. I don't like it but they've been doing it that for many years and I'm not going to rock the boat over that.

NicoleO1 (California)
Posts: 181

Posted:

Agree... You have highly stepped out of the role of what best serves your community and turned it into what serves YOU best. Your neighbors house guest, boy friend, baby daddy momma whatever is non of your business unless they are causing a distress to the community.

Your neighbor has every right to take your approach defensively. Your lucky my husband didn't answer the door.. he would of shut it in your face after a frew "colorful" words. Your actions make the owners really hate you and the board I am sure.

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,061

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By GenoS on 07/14/2015 8:11 PM
I move in. The HOA has my name and my legal mailing address. That's all they're entitled to by law (although the HOA docs may expand on that for things like a phone number and information about motor vehicles). Any other requested information should be on a voluntary basis and it should be my choice whether to reveal it.

In a HOPA community, it is a requirement that ages be certified.

Bonnie, I do believe, is in such a development.

GenoS (Florida)
Posts: 4,276

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By TimB4 on 07/14/2015 8:50 PM
In a HOPA community, it is a requirement that ages be certified.

Bonnie, I do believe, is in such a development.

Yes I can see where that would be a thing.

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By TimB4 on 07/14/2015 6:55 PM

Posted By BonnieG1 on 07/14/2015 4:59 PM

The entity over me would be the Board and when I am calmer I will write her a note to tell her as I don't want to talk to her as she has twisted what I said.

I agree with you Tim. I was already thinking of doing such a thing.

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By NicoleO1 on 07/14/2015 8:35 PM
Agree... You have highly stepped out of the role of what best serves your community and turned it into what serves YOU best. Your neighbors house guest, boy friend, baby daddy momma whatever is non of your business unless they are causing a distress to the community.

Your neighbor has every right to take your approach defensively. Your lucky my husband didn't answer the door.. he would of shut it in your face after a frew "colorful" words. Your actions make the owners really hate you and the board I am sure.

The owners do not hate me. I have a good relationship with most of the owners. Sometimes it is an owner who wants me to do something that I know I shouldn't or can't do. Things like my overstepping my bounds is exactly why one person should not be in control.

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

The reason I went at 8;30 P.M. is the owner is still working and has told me she has been putting in 12 hr days. If I knew she would be home earlier I would have went earlier. I can't tell by when her car is here if she is working or if she is on site because she works at the care center that is adjacent to us.
Her husband was not in the unit. He does not live her. He is still either in a care center or at their house.

BobD4 (up north)
Posts: 1,002

Posted:

An obvious downside to "HOPA" status must be that residents may not like 8:30 pm visits by neighbours to extract their senior age. Must be an otherwise thankless job with some legal jurtification.

Straying into interactions about someone's lifestyle choices or morality isn't automatically where such data soliciting would normally go. Or would it ? Could someone else do the thankless job ? No offence intended, but moral condemnatory judgments expressed on my doorstep by any data seeker, might get the John Deere fired up . .

( "55 & Over Housing: What is the 80/20 Rule ?" By lawyer Lisa Magill Apr 1/10
http://www.floridacondohoalawblog.com/2010/04/articles/fair-housing/55-over-housing-what-is-the-8020-rule/ )

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By BonnieG1 on 07/15/2015 5:53 AM
The reason I went at 8;30 P.M. is the owner is still working and has told me she has been putting in 12 hr days. If I knew she would be home earlier I would have went earlier. I can't tell by when her car is here if she is working or if she is on site because she works at the care center that is adjacent to us.
Her husband was not in the unit. He does not live her. He is still either in a care center or at their house.

poor grammer in this reply. should have said "would have gone earlier" and "He does not live here" I didn't proof read this before I posted it.

PitA
Posts: 1,416

Posted:

I will attempt to be calm.

And polite.

Bonnie,
You need to NOT get involved with people's lives.
You need to maintain the common elements of the HOA.
No more, no less.
If it had be me, I would have been FURIOUS and probably would have both cursed you and slammed the door in your face.

ps.
actual date of birth is NOT required in a HOPA community
HUD will accept 'self certification' of 55+ status from member/occupant

KerryL1 (California)
Posts: 14,550

Posted:

Good point, Tim about age needed. But Bonnie does have a property mgr. and gathering such data is a PM's job.

A note can be slipped under the door with a polite request for a copy of her DL or whatever would be acceptable.

After working 12 hours every day, an 8:30p knock on my door would be the last thing I'd want from the president of my HOA.

PitA
Posts: 1,416

Posted:

HOPA HOPA

RAH RAH RAH

Thank the Creator they allow us to remain out of sight behind our 'walls' and gates.

Else y'all would have to ACTUALLY deal with us 55+ers.

(otherwise known as 'old coots')

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By KerryL1 on 07/15/2015 7:00 AM
Good point, Tim about age needed. But Bonnie does have a property mgr. and gathering such data is a PM's job.

A note can be slipped under the door with a polite request for a copy of her DL or whatever would be acceptable.

After working 12 hours every day, an 8:30p knock on my door would be the last thing I'd want from the president of my HOA.

Yes and no about gathering data being the property manager's job. Our documents specify that each resident is to register with the Secretary. The Secretary brought the completed (except for the year of birth) registration forms to me to give to our PM. Hindsight is always better that foresight. I see where it would have been better if I would have just given the forms to our PM without the yr of birth and ask him to get that for us.

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By PitA on 07/15/2015 7:17 AM
HOPA HOPA

RAH RAH RAH

Thank the Creator they allow us to remain out of sight behind our 'walls' and gates.

Else y'all would have to ACTUALLY deal with us 55+ers.

(otherwise known as 'old coots')

Just remember if not already you may be an "old coot" one day

PitA
Posts: 1,416

Posted:

Already am an 'old coot' - 68 years of age.

Fighting not to become old.

Hard when surrounded and out numbered.

Peer pressure actually exists.

However, I will NOT be sent to the 9th circle.

I wish I could escape from behind my self made prison, but can't (too much invested).

? Perhaps a $20,000+ loss would actually be worth the freedom ?

Best of luck to you, Bonnie !

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By PitA on 07/15/2015 4:21 PM
Already am an 'old coot' - 68 years of age.

Fighting not to become old.

Hard when surrounded and out numbered.

Peer pressure actually exists.

However, I will NOT be sent to the 9th circle.

I wish I could escape from behind my self made prison, but can't (too much invested).

? Perhaps a $20,000+ loss would actually be worth the freedom ?

Best of luck to you, Bonnie !

Thanks for the well wishes Pita. I did not do my research *my bad" before I bought my condo unit. Now I am stuck, there is no way that I can afford to move as I have a mortgage. Also my unit is in no condition to put on the market. I bought "as is" and have done very little updating. I also never wanted to be on the Board and when I did agree to be on the Board I was terrified I would be President some day. Now that I am President, I know I have made some mistakes but I try to learn from my mistakes, But I seem to be a slow learner.

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Oh, this site has helped me avoid some mistakes.

KimR4 (Florida)
Posts: 33

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By BonnieG1 on 07/15/2015 6:48 PM
Oh, this site has helped me avoid some mistakes.

This site has helped me to avoid making some mistakes also, Bonnie.

KerryL1 (California)
Posts: 14,550

Posted:

So, bonnie, can you assure us that you'll stay OUT of residents' personal lives if their behavior does NOT violate your HOA's rules & covenants?

I may be wrong, but I think I recall that former Supreme Court justice, S. Day O'comnor went public with the fact thatt her husband, a dementia patient, had a girlfriend in his fasted living facility. She said it was OK with her.

Would you allege, then, that if SHE took a boyfriend, she would be immoral or otherwise disreputable? Think about it!

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,061

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By KerryL1 on 07/15/2015 8:37 PM
So, bonnie, can you assure us that you'll stay OUT of residents' personal lives if their behavior does NOT violate your HOA's rules & covenants?

Really??

Bonnie has no obligation to us.
Bonnie has an obligation to herself, her family and, as long as she serves, to her Association.

As out of line as I believe Bonnie's voicing of her opinion was to the member about the individuals personal choices, I honestly believe that you are more out of line with your last posting.

BobD4 (up north)
Posts: 1,002

Posted:

Bonnie G1 (Neb) has recognized that the doorstep conversation went somewhere it should not have. She has said she will send a note to get things going in the right direction.

How many hundreds of potential volunteers are reading the above postings and wanting to stay clear of far more than just "thin ice" activities on behalf of their HOA/condo corp/co-op whatever ?

Except for something income-geared occupancy subsidies, what is government's justifiable business in setting up scenarios where unpaid volunteers or property managers are triggered to seek confirmations of age of residents or other personal parameters ?

Is it to countercheck by trying to turn volunteers / managers into spies & snitches ? If so, when volunteers come door to door looking for confirmations, what surprise can there be when this sort of exchange occurs ?

Having managed entire income-subsidized communities, I have had to ask such questions ( and more 'intrusives' too ). They never left me comfortable except for "best triaging" of subsidies. Shouldn't this sort of stuff really be left to professionals or to the vast realms of data collected willy-nilly by Big Government ?

PitA
Posts: 1,416

Posted:

HUD requires a biannual survey to establish 80% of 'units' occupancy by at least 1 person over 55 in order for the community to maintain its' HOPA status.

Said survey must be conducted by the 'housing provider'.

HOAs have been deemed to be 'housing providers' for the purpose of HOPA exemption to the Fair Housing Act.

? Has the doggie yet caught its' tail ?

! Let the barking continue !

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,061

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By BobD4 on 07/16/2015 6:02 AM
what is government's justifiable business in setting up scenarios where unpaid volunteers or property managers are triggered to seek confirmations of age of residents or other personal parameters ?

Is it to countercheck by trying to turn volunteers / managers into spies & snitches ? If so, when volunteers come door to door looking for confirmations, what surprise can there be when this sort of exchange occurs ?

Bob,

Your last post has be thinking that you believe in conspiracy theories.

BobD4 (up north)
Posts: 1,002

Posted:

Is there some conspiracy to make me look like a believer in conspiracy theories ? . . . . Is that microfilm hidden over there in the pumpkin patch ? . . . What's that noise ?

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,061

Posted:

PitA
Posts: 1,416

Posted:

I am not paranoid, they actually are out to get me.

🎯 You've read this entire discussion

Join the conversation with 50,000 HOA & Condo Leaders:

✓ Ask follow-up questions
✓ Share your experience
✓ Get expert advice
✓ Access 350,000 discussions

Create Free Account →

⚡ Takes 30 seconds

Already a member? Log in here