Orwells 1984 - I've Been Silenced

It's here isn't it? When Tim, Melissa, JohnC and a few others disagree with your comments they absolutely must silence them. Shame on you. Sally

We have no shame. No disagreement with Sally. Sally chooses not to listen to only one person. Themselves. We are here to educate to those who will LISTEN. We do not believe HOA are crooked. We do Not believe in using the court system to make changes in your HOA as the FIRST option. We do not support the opinion of being a victim of your HOA and whining about it. We are NOT cheerleaders to your emotional turmoil.

We here are here to give REAL answers to REAL questions. You want change in your HOA? Well here is how you do it... You need help dealing with a Homeowner? Here are some suggestions. You have questions on how to translate a rule? Here is a translation.

We do not play emotional hostage to posters who want to not learn and just bad mouth HOAs. We did the hardwork and changed our HOAs by not threatening lawsuits, going on witch hunts, or making wild accusations. We did it by the rules and ending apathy in our HOA that make it better.

My HOA became successful and an great place to live. Open meetings and communication. Home sales through the roof. It is not perfect but it is not a horible HOA as people like Sally or Carlos would paint them. I for one do NOT like someone insulting my HOA by painting HOA in suchna broad stroke. I am just as defensive when it comes to that.

I wasn't trying to fool you. If I could have duplicated the comment exactly I would have ... I wanted you to know I was back. Unfortunately, I had to paraphrase it. Listen Melissa, we all know that you're the expert on this site, having special skills to shut down anyone you don't agree with. Like you could fool someone, since you repeat everything exactly as if it were sheer boilerplate.

To repeat another post I made:

I have not reported anyone to the mods for well over a year or longer.

I believe the mods do read and are aware of what goes on. I believe they may take action of their own.

I agree but there are a few regulars who are the main instigators. I'm not going to name them because they know who they are. I think sometimes that is their sole purpose for posting here; not to offer useful advise or state a respectful opinion but to antagonize.

I looked at the passage you cited, Tim, and would really like it if the moderators intervened in that way in 2014. Too much negativity and unfriendliness shows up here sometimes in the name of "tough love."

But this coarseness mirrors a similar tendency on my Board of directors. Last Tuesday night's meeting was so negative with various directors taking pot shots at others, members who attended were appalled. We've been sliding in this unprofessional direction for a couple of years. After last week's debacle, the president sent all a request to list a few positive ways we can bring civility back to our board meetings.

IMO, this forum and my board meetings are mirroring the larger political scene in the US and as reflected by talk radio screamers.

Easier to fix us than them if we simply follow "Our Posting Rules" "(1) Post any relevant topic you like, but please keep it clean, helpful, positive and friendly."

I only lived in the "real" south once (Miami doesn't count right?), NC, '87-'90 and a word I heard--not directed at me thank gawd, was: Why is she being so "ugly?" Or, "He just has an ugly heart!" I'd never heard that word used that way in the 6 or so states I've lived in. Let's stop being "ugly" around here!

Most of us here post because we do care and want to help. We did not have a resource like this when I was going through my HOA experience. Most HOA forums were nothing but complaint sights. A place to keep whollering in misery and no real answers. Thats not a place I wanted to be. It is truly rare to find a forum and sight like this.

I think we have worked hard to keep this a forum not for complaining but for educating. I especially like the fact that board members have a place to be board members. They can ask questions and be supported, Board members and officers need that. Let board members or those trying to work in their HOA have a place to be themselves and get answers.

If you do not like the advice given, then do not take it. Sometimes it is out of tough love. It may take that to take a different perspective. We are a third person and see something you do not. It may be something you need to hear so you can change your approach.

If you take someones advice as being attacking, mean, or harrassing then we can not help you. No one can. You will always be defensive and not open to other views. Your the type that considers a HOa letter as harrassment but in the same breath want the HOa to send violation notices to others. If not, then they are not doing their job and are incompetent. That is NOT the attitude or view we share here. So you will always feel we are horrible people.

I think we offer a good outlet for those who want to learn. Whether it is from our experience, finacial knowledge, or laws research. Please do not let my posting attitude run you off. My intentions will always to provide help. You can always trust in that.

I will miss her as much as I miss MIKE.

Moan and groan about the big bad HOA board listen to the opinion of one lawyer, throw you hands up and embark on a misinformed crusade about how all HOAs should've be avoided and rather than making an effort to change your own whine, bitch and moan about your Constitutional rights being violated along with your view all high-rise HOAs are germ infested places to be avoided.

Yes, Sally will be missed........

I didn't find any of Sally's comments upsetting as those were Sally's opinions and experiences. Sadly, I have witnessed some of the same boorish, bad behavior in my HOA so if anything, I feel empathy for someone who finds themselves having the same experience.

Some people might be able to turn things around if they find themselves with a less than desirable HOA. Some people might find themselves moving and letting go of the "HOA concept" for whatever reasons. Personally, based on my experiences and observations, the concept is probably not for me. My ideas of leadership, fiscal responsibility, fairness, property maintenance, and covenant enforcement are very much the polar opposite of our Board and the owners who support the Board with their votes. I have watched a few people who have common sense AND business experience get on the Board and be harassed by the other Board members and other owners to the point that it was an unwinnable situation. It sounded like Sally found themselves in the same situation. I just hope that regardless, people who come into this forum are treating each other with kindness and empathy.

It is called "Defensive mode". I am going to attack you before you attack me even though there is no attack going on. More or less I am guilty or feel guilty of what was stated. I see it all the time with people who do not have the proper communication skills for them to express themselves without feeling attacked.

I do not feel like was ever being a "bully" to Sally. She simply got defensive and lashed out in name calling behavior. The very behavior they accuse other people of being is usually the behavior they are exhibiting themselves. Hence why I stated what I stated about emotional hostage holding. Use a mirror to see why your having the problems your having. Are they truly because someone is attacking you or is it because your attacking them?

I know why I post here is because I do have empathy of what it is like to live in a HOA. I have experienced BOTH being a board member and a member the HOA attacked. Actually being almost physically assualted once by a board member. I also know how it feels to deal with a "crooked" HOA. However, I also know what it takes to make that change and have a successful HOA. It is possible and can help get you in that direction. I just may be a little tough loving or to the point doing it.

I've been on both ends. Critized, hard headed, won't listen, etc. However, I have also learned a lot from John and Tim and all the others. This is the best forum and if you can't take what is written then don't ask for advise. I wish our BOD had one of these people on it, maybe there wouldn't be so many problems. Thanks to all of you for your patience and good information. I know a lot of info you give is a constant repeat but this isn't your fault that people don't read prior forums. I may not take your advise, but through it all I have learned a lot. Again I can't thank all of you for your constant help.

Nancy