Might I Recommend a Breather (or Reflection)

Started by KellyM3 • 8 replies • 1499 views

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KellyM3 (North Carolina)
Posts: 2,239

Posted:

Posters are starting to take this forum too seriously. Any person who signs up for this forum - or any online outlet - expecting binding legal advice is not truly serious about tackling a legal problem in their local community. At best, we all offer food-for-thought.

In fact, I'm noticing that the board is turning into a place where single-issue posters are grasping for free advice and not returning any value to making us better directors in our HOA organizations. Regular posters are accepting this role of "guru" that can easily become a psychological burden. Be careful, folks. I like most all of your perspectives but I'm sick of feeding these one-off posters who are fishing for validation to sue or threaten the HOA in their neighborhood, much less interpret state law for states in which there is a 98% probably we don't reside.

There are tons of little strategies and philosophies that are shareable and applicable to all 50 states. These would improve our personal service as directors much more than worrying about orange juice smuggling, the depth of mulch at a water spigot and other frivolous matters that play into the stereotypes we all know and don't accept. A simple way to end these ad hoc, super-pointed, hyper-local, pseudo-legal inquiries is to post: "CALL A LAWYER." (We're not lawyers).

Either my experience as an HOA president has educated me (in conjunction with this board's advice) the past 12 months OR the quality of our conversations has diminished this past year. Probably a bit of both.

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,062

Posted:

Excellent points Kelly.

One thing to keep in mind is that many individuals don't start researching Associations until they have an issue with them. Three to five years ago there were a lot more of what I call anti-hoa sites. Those looking for consolation or affirmation for what they believe is the best course of action would typically find those sites first (even today those sites are the ones that tend to rise to the top of internet searches) and tend to stay there. The number of those sites have diminished over the years and more individuals with problems are finding this site (which can be a good thing) more often.

I know that I only came upon this site when I was fighting an issue with my Association. I was glad I did because the posters at that time asked the same questions we asked today: What does it say in your governing documents? Have you looked at the applicable laws? Have you tried talking to your Board and if you did what was their response? Have you considered volunteering to serve on your Board or Committee to make the changes you're looking for? etc. etc. I even recall being. . . well lets say corrected (others may say attacked), by Jon and others, for challenging what they offered with no real basis for my statements other than I thought that they were wrong. Later I discovered that they were right to do so because it forced me to be better prepared when I again spoke with my Board about the issue.

Because of the assistance I received here, I stayed. Hoping to repay what I had received to others. I would hope that others who are helped will do the same. I'm realistic enough to know that most probably won't.

As Board members, we do have to deal with the CCO (chief complaining officer) of our Assocaitions. Perhaps dealing with, or seeing how others deal with, the single issue posters can help us deal with our CCO properly. I do agree that the quality of the conversations have diminished. Unfortunately, I believe I know that at times I haven't helped that quality and I'll try and do better in the future.

What topics do you suggest we discuss?

Tim

KellyM3 (North Carolina)
Posts: 2,239

Posted:

Maybe I'm just a bit tired of this particular forum and have stopped learning from it, which occurs as we get more experienced in certain duties. In no way would I recommend the regulation or suppression of topics and many contributors enjoy reading these, often niche, complaints. I'm fatigued by posts regarding "Runaway Boards" that aren't so "runaway" once you glean the circumstances. Blah.

SheliaH (Indiana)
Posts: 6,964

Posted:

Maybe the folks running this site should put up Melissa P1’s “How we give advice on her” post again or post some general guidelines at the top of the page so people will know what to expect.

Unfortunately, cussing, name calling and yelling is a sign of the times. One of the curses of the Internet and social media is that anyone can say anything about everything and everyone, while remaining anonymous and they get away with it because there’s no one to do any fact checking.

In my experience, I find people rarely step back and look at things from a broader perspective (takes too long and requires critical thinking). When they can’t find a way to present their argument in a logical manner or consider that perhaps they just might be WRONG, people resort to bad behavior in hopes the yelling will drown out the truth or intimidate the truth tellers. But just because you disagree (violently?) that doesn’t make the truth any less.

Usually, I’ll read the original post and the next few responses to see if the poster provided enough details for everyone to provide a relatively educated response, but the more name calling I see, the quicker I move on to another topic where I can learn something. I’ve found good and bad advice on this site, recognizing that none of us are attorneys (if you want to know what is/isn’t legal, get some money together and hire one! Or start with reading your documents – you’ll probably save time and money that way!)

I don't let the trolls get me down - the reason I keep coming to this side is because I get different perspectives on a problem, some that I hadn’t thought about before. If I do go to an attorney, those perspectives give me some insight on what I should ask about. That doesn’t mean I’ll like what I eventually find out, but anything that promotes critical and creative thinking usually makes for better decision making.

If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. Marcus Aurelius

MelissaP1 (Alabama)
Posts: 13,836

Posted:

Thank you for the posting about reflecting and taking a breather.

We could use a reminder of why we came here and why we do help others. My introduction to being in a HOA was an eye opener. It is to many people once they get passed the sales pitch. After your eyes are open, what advice would you like to see with them? My choice is an educated one with a dash of life experiences.

I have been to a few of those other HOA sites with the bashing and irrational thought people. One of which was shut down and sued for some of the postings. One poster even tried to post my personal information like my home address and phone number to the WHOLE forum. Good thing was that I never posted my real name and the information was not correct. Scary to think if it had been... Eventually even had to contact in real life that person's HOA due to their threatening behavior and being extremely mentally unstable. A line that we should never have to cross in here. That is why we don't like anyone posting their names of HOA's, locations, or the people you have an issue with. Someone can go off line and find you or your HOA. It's not fair to those people as well who don't know your posting their information behind their backs. We care about your situation, but not the personal contact facts.

We are just a group of people here who have experienced the "HOA life". Some of it pretty and some of it pretty bad. We learned or are learning from those experiences. It's just that we like to pass that information on so that others wouldn't have to go through it blindly. There is some light and hope. Mostly through participation and living through it. However, you will find that is what things mostly in life require.

The regular posters on here have set a "tone" in here. That is one of respect, education, and not trying to pass ourselves as lawyers. We make mistakes and we also learn. We are open for a good debate and a good update. I encourage people who just like to read our postings in the background or those that like to post to keep that tone going. Just like any good or bad HOA, it takes communication and openness to operate... Oh, and suing your HOA is suing yourself and your neighbors... Just had to throw that one in there for good measure!

Former HOA President

DJ1 (Ontario)
Posts: 798

Posted:

Don't you always have the option not to read a particular thread? Don't many readers initially look at the subject line and say, hey that interests me, I think l'll read it.

KellyM3 (North Carolina)
Posts: 2,239

Posted:

Yes...there's just a diminishing amount of thought-provoking fare coming through the boards. That was my point. A few posts last week jumped the proverbial shark

BonnieG1 (Nebraska)
Posts: 1,186

Posted:

Looks like other people are now using the term CCO. I think I was the one who originally mentioned this nick name.

I was also the person who logged about the orange juice. There is more to that story. This man's neighbor has complained about loud noises keeping her awake at night. From purely circumstantial evidence, she is convinced he is doing drugs.
One Saturday evening about 10P.M. she called me to complain about her neighbor.
She was sitting at the main entrance so I went to the main entrance to talk to her. She told me a man yow said he was the nephew to her neighbor took her neighbor to Walmart and she was waiting for them to come back to confront them. I reminded her that the main entrance is not the only entrance to the building.

After a short time she pulled out a knife and said she had it to "protect herself"
Then she told me she was going to get a gun to "protect herself" at that point I was more concerned about her hurting someone that I was her noisy neighbor hurting someone.

Our PM told her she could contact the police. He explained to our members at our weekly coffee hr that she is the only one who can contact the police as the Board Members are not personally aware of the situation and we could be accused of filing a false report. Our PM has a family member who is a policman.

Also our PM did tell me that he was certain this man had done drugs in the past due to his appearance and demeanor, but could not say he was currently doing drugs.

MaryP18 (Texas)
Posts: 6

Posted:

I've only posted on here once and got great advice. I do come to this site for help with our HOA in a very small community. But the discussions I have found on this site has helped us. So I really appreciate this site.

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