Difficult situation involving a board member who people are afraid of

For a small complex, we sure seem to have a lot of drama, sigh...

Here is the situation:

One of the residents here is a single mom with a nine year old son. Her uncle is the owner of title on her unit, but for all intents and purposes she is considered the owner because he does not get involved in anything here. This woman also happens to be on our Board.

She often feels she is being singled out for petty issues in our board meetings, which is somewhat true. People here tend to put small issues on the agenda rather than speaking directly with each other. She has a defensive attitude because she feels everyone is out to get her.

The issue at hand is residents here are afraid of her now because she has a temper. She is often heard yelling at her son, and a few weeks ago after getting into a silly argument with another resident, she "peeled" out of the parking lot leaving tire marks and threw someone's wood stool out her car window causing it to break.(no one was around so it wasn't meant to strike someone) Someone did call Child Protective Services, but their investigation found her son to be happy and healthy. She is really not physically violent and I don't think she will be, but residents are now afraid of her. I know she has never hit her son and would never harm another person.

Some of the residents want to have an intervention of sorts and let her know her behavior makes them uncomfortable. They wanted to get the board involved, but not include her at this point even though she is on the board. Can the board meet and purposely exclude another board member? Their plan was to meet to discuss her and then determine how to handle this, which could involve the police. I was just recently told of this secret meeting and have been excluded from an email trail because people think I'm close friends with her.

I know this woman better than the other eight residents here and I know that confronting her is the worst thing anyone can do. However, residents are afraid to talk to her and she thinks everyone hates her.

This is all one big misunderstanding that I think can be resolved without anyone getting upset.

My first question is if it's okay for board members and non board members to have a secret meeting about another board member? This makes me uncomfortable.

I do want to find a way to resolve this situation without anyone being uncomfortable or angry. It's been a few weeks since anyone has heard her yell and her behavior has been fine as of late.

My second question is does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this so she doesn't feel persecuted and the other residents aren't uncomfortable?

Thank you!

Hi Tamara:

I agree with Brian in that the board should not get involved in any drama. The board is responsible for running the HOA business and insuring the governing documents are followed.

My first question would be ... does your governing documents allow a non-owner to serve on the board? If so, this individual was apparently legally elected by the homeowners and if the homeowners now do not care for their elected board member, they have the option of doing a recall.

Thanks for your great answers, everyone.

Janet, our bylaws do allow for an owner to have a relative act in the owner's place as a board member.

You all are correct, the person in question is not breaking any CC & R's or rules. The people who live here are historically known for putting items on an agenda rather than trying to work things out between neighbors.

I do believe this is something to be handled between neighbors and am a bit concerned that people want to "gang up" on this woman. There has to be a better way to handle this situation.

I don't know why the answer posted twice, but I should add that TamaraS and I are neighbors!

Here's a thought...It kind of comes from the rash of "Reality TV" shows. Ever consider video taping a meeting? It could be presented in 2 ways. 1 way is to say it's for official legal reasons. The 2nd is more non-professional such as a school project etc...You may want to tape more than one meeting.

At a later date invite this member over to watch the tape playback. The member may SEE their actual behavior and it's effect. It could be like holding a mirror up to them. The situation wouldn't be so confrontational and in a setting that may be comfortable.

It's hard to separate PERSONAL from PROFESSIONAL in a HOA. That's because soo many lines intersect. It's best to understand where that line is drawn. A criminal act is still a criminal act and a By-law violation is just against the HOA as a whole.